I turned down all three marriage proposals: Raymond's, Rad's and Carlos'. I have to admit Carlos' was the hardest to turn down because I've always wanted to see Madrid, to be wooed in spanish, live in an estate near the Queen's palace. But I realized that my reasons for even considering him as my husband are superficial. I'm overwhelmed by him, but I do not love him.
Yes, I am crazy to have let him go, or even the others, as they could have offered me a far better life than the one I have now. But if I made a decision to marry any one of them, I would ultimately have to hurt Rockstar, and that I cannot bear doing right now, or ever.
Another entity made his existence known to me, and he is Peter Pan. Young of heart, seductive, both intellectually and sexually, I was almost tempted to leave Rockstar and even care less about him. We had so much in common that it scared me. While he didn't exactly propose, he stated "I will marry you!" in such a fashion that one would know it WILL happen. Whenever he said that, I just smiled and dismissed the remark, but it has been nagging me silently.
But I will not regret my decision because I know he will understand. And that, is exactly why I had to turn these men down. Because I do not even know what I want, or who I really am.
But I will not regret my decision because I know he will understand. And that, is exactly why I had to turn these men down. Because I do not even know what I want, or who I really am.
"Suddenly you're feeling ridiculous about the set up? Hehehe. Forget the peripherals. Things happen, man. Meteors collide, lightning strikes, if we become an item, then that's that, we happened. Gets?"
"Yes, i do. Its just that while things are rocky with me and Rockstar, i am, in a way, comfortable with how things are. And then, here you come along, zapping me out of my senses saying, " MARRY ME!" and i'll rock your world. or something like that."
"I guess it's more of...you'd got major potential to be a majorly great babe. Meaning, you'd be nice to come home to, or sumthing like, i think you're so cool you'd overwhelm your shits."
"The thing is, WOULD I WANT YOU?"
"That's it, I was about to say that. I was gonna say, but you gotta WANT me and not just NEED me."
"I have to admit, I'm very attracted to you, but I just dont wanna budge. You're the kind of guy i KNOW very well would blow me away. But I'm not just letting you do that now. Coz if you do, you're gonna be that single and first guy who's gonna earn my respect, someone i won't treat as a doormat, because you are your own man."
"So are the 5,000 guys who proposed. You got to know what u want first. But before you could do that you got to know urself, not necessarily in the real deep sense of the word. And one day there'd be a guy who'd turn your world around..."
He is gone now, probably back at Neverland. There, he will never grow old. And perhaps, when I am old and he comes back to me, there will be three rainbows in the sky.
