For Christmas, V, a good friend of mine gave me a hardcopy of the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt. I think I mentioned once during one of our conversations that I wished I read the book long ago, and perhaps I could have had a stronger sense of self when it came to relationships.

I first came across the book and its author at an Oprah show once, and although it seemed interesting to read it at that time, I thought it to be overrated (well, Oprah endorsed it). But it was really because I THOUGHT I didn't need it. I snagged a guy and was well into my second year with him, so what do I need it for? Right? Wrong. It's end of January now, and I just decided to read the book. I've been avoiding reading it, althought its prominently displayed on my nightstand. I did not need it, I do not need it, so was my mantra. I didn't want to know nor find out how badly my relationship was going. I didn't want to find some sort of validation. I was in denial that something was wrong with us. The book would just be poison.

Perhaps it was sheer boredom, or because it's been gathering dust on my nightstand (it makes a pretty decoration in the bedroom, by the way), or perhaps guilt towards the one who gave me the book, (who thought I should really read it because he's probably tired of hearing me whine about Rockstar's misbehavin'), I finally got around to reading it.

Of course, being flippant about the whole thing, I was smirking as I read, turning each page growing more and more amused at the sob stories of single women. Sure, some were relate-able, but really, I am appalled that some women are just so lame at spotting guys who are "just not that into them".  Come on, now. A guy who does not return phone calls when he said he would, isn't that obvious? All those excuses of being too-busy-he-can't-call, or something-came-up-so-I-can't-see-you? Come on, that's so elementary. Common sense would tell you right away. But then again, common sense is not so common after all.

I thought I didn't need to read any further because I knew all these tactics way before Greg wrote the book and pretty much decided that the brouhaha was all for nothing. I KNEW ALL THESE STUFF already from being with all sorts of shitty men. Feeling cocky, I was just about to turn down the book when the next chapter's title almost cost me a panic attack. Really.

"HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU IF HE'S NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU".

Okaaay. Oh my. And it's just the fourth chapter. I hurriedly flipped back to the table of contents and saw more chapters that actually aggravated my panic attack. A couple more. Oh my, my, my. I didn't read the chapter and closed the book. Still in denial. But hey, I'm writing about it.

It was sometime October last year when he was too tired to do it and asked for fellatio instead. He said he was too burned out to do anything, much less move. I obliged, though I was so friggin' wet that it soaked my panties. Since I hardly saw him as he was busy taping and had all these shoots, I did not argue with him. November and December rolled around and that's what pretty much happened everytime he comes over. No sex. Just oral. And one-way at that. Now THAT was a red flag. In fact, it was just one of the many red flags I chose to ignore before. Of course that totally ticked me off, and I was beginning to get hurt. Not to mention V. telling me over and over again that I do not deserve how he treats me. He's right of course. V. even made it worse by speculating that he's probably getting it from someone else. Rockstar coming over just to sleep because he's too tired from work, what's that? There was one time that I was so ready when he brushed me off, saying he wants to go online instead. I mean, what guy does not want to have sex???  Even priests fornicate!!! 

I have a boyfriend I don't/can't fuck.

I confronted him about it, and not because I'm making excuses for his actions (okay, I hear you, Greg!), I really saw the toll his work had on him. I just had to be patient before he transferred to another job, which had more reasonable working hours. Of course I was bothered, and V's speculation about him getting it from someone else totally, totally made me paranoid. He's transferred now, and yet, we hardly touch each other. He just gives me a peck and goes. I'm gonna leave it at that for now. (Another entry will be dedicated for this.)

So here's a very, very valuable tip for women who find themselves in a bind: you're in a relationship and considering one night stands because your boyfriend is unavailable, or if you're just unsure if you want sex from another person: Make sure you're still fully clothed and/when he's naked.

You know, just in case you change your mind.